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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?